I was asked where do I see myself in 5 years.
All I had in my head was the people whom I haven’t helped enough. I found it so hard to think about myself in the future especially when my birthday is just round the corner.
Somewhere in these past 8 months I realised that I perhaps am made to help people. I had been neglecting myself so much that I got ill, severely obese & borderline diabetic. I put others way beyond first than myself.
In the last 16 weeks, I saw and felt the mercy & rewards of putting others before myself. I saw that patience in itself is beautiful.
In the most hauntingly beautiful way, I saw how the worst challenges I face in the last 13 years turned into a serene present. And I grief when that seemingly end.
That was the end of my point-accumulation at speed.
My successes in the last 38 years may have been mediocre. To those looking through my window of life saw that I ran my own company for a decade to non-business success and I am a woman techie who is a mere tech support to family & friends.
People don’t realise or even understand how hard it was to run a business while being a caregiver. I never saw myself much as a business person because for the period when my mother-in-law was alive, I was a caregiver first, business person was always last.
Running my business was just my choice of rice bowl. And as long as I have rice in the bowl, I ran my business. I didn’t need to turn that into a feast for an empire.
That was my success; being able to sustain the business to fill up my rice bowl.
The success of my business is that PlayPause earned its reputation enough to be serving clients who pay timely.
And as a woman who has been a proud tech geek in my own little ways, I feel I have not succeeded in making people understand that I am beyond capable of fixing someone’s internet problem.
I built websites that work especially on mobile. I fix website issues when they don’t show up properly. I know which builder works more efficiently & has a more beautiful result than the other.
The only thing I haven’t been successful is to explain in layman terms why POP mails into Gmail take longer to arrive yet is one of the safest way to get your emails.
I’ll work on that.
I got reminded that I have a “40 before 40” list of things I created last year. Unfortunately, half of that list involved traveling and living in another country. That’s another thing I have to work on, editing the list to be more realistic of this pandemic era.
I have one year more. If God wills.
For now, as I loom to my 39th year, I hope people whom I know would remember me as that craZEE lady who is also amaZEEng because I have at least inspired them to be a better & kinder person than they have ever been.
Thank you for being with me.